I came across this letter I had written to Fern on February 27, 2019, in the dark and quiet wee hours of the morning of her scheduled birth. My belly, full and round, my sleep as fitful as ever, my heart full of wonder, my excitement barely contained. I wanted to hold on to the morning a little bit longer, slow the hands of time and soak in those final moments of pure togetherness.
Today is the day you’re going to be born. It’s 5am and your Dad just gave himself a haircut to pass the time (or perhaps he wants to look good for you.). I woke up many times last night feeling so excited for the day ahead, just like a kid on Christmas morning – a feeling you’ll soon understand.
I wonder what you’ll look like. Will you have a thick waft of hair? A button nose? Blue or Brown eyes?
Will you be big or small? Will you be tall?
Will you recognize our voices?
I wonder if you know you’ll be born today?
I hope you will grow to be a kind and loving girl. That you will always care for other people, and you will always strive to do your best, whatever your passions are. I hope someday you will appreciate nature, movement and the ocean. I hope you have the mentality to “do the right thing,” and I hope you have adventure in your heart.
But the truth is, what I want most for you is to live a full and wondrous life. Although you are half me and half your dad, you are 100% you. Don’t be afraid to be yourself and don’t let other peoples’ opinions of you shape who you are meant to be.
Life has so much to offer you, my girl. There is beauty and love everywhere if you keep your eyes open and your heart tender. I love you so much already.